Vera's MBA Graduation from St. Mary's

Vera's MBA graduation ceremony was today. The morning started out with Vera putting her gown and hood in the drier to get out the wrinkles. The instructions say to do that. (Who'd a thunk that there was such a thing as the American Council on Education code of Inter-Collegiate Costume that's comes up with this stuff???)

Any hoo... after the drier, Vera tried on her collegiate costume, only to discover that the hood appeared to be torn at the inseam. Panic ensued, and she called the St. Mary's MBA program coordinator and left a message. "My hood is torn, do you have any spares?"

The woman called back (she was checking her work voice mail on a Sunday) and she had a spare hood. We got there early and as it turns out, the hood was fine. We were pulling too much of the pouch out of the hood out, they never sew them all the way up (I'm going to write a letter to the Inter-Collegiate Costume folks that their documentation sucks, graduates just don't need that stress). Whew! The plus was that Vera had an experienced person to get that hood folded and hanging just right over her robes!

After that was sorted, we arrived for a brunch celebrating students graduating with honors.

Here are three videos:

The first (top) is of the graduates walking in. It was held at the St. Mary's chapel, one of the priests was playing the pipe organ. Unfortunately he did not play "Pomp N Circumstance". It was strange not to have that played during the procession.

The second (middle) is of Vera receiving her diploma.

The third (bottom) is Vera and other classmates standing as they are being recognized for graduating with honors.

Vera did not walk in her undergrad graduation ceremony (I dunno why, she jsut didn't want to). So I told her she MUST walk in this one. Thanks to Vera's sister's boyfriend, Mike, for taking these Videos!

Finally, the Final Final

This evening Vera, with all her fortitude and fastidiousness, finally finished the final final for her MBA qualification. For Vera it still feels like fiction. As for me, I am filled with felicity! My fantasies of frolicking on weekends at farmer’s markets, free from the confines of Vera’s homework performance can finally come to fruition.

Oh, for f*ck's sake, enough of the effing alliteration already...

Felicitations Vera, your offspring and wife feel you are magnificent!!!

Adoption Finalized

Vera's adoption of Zoe was finalized in court today. It was a pretty short process. After being bounced from building to building, at the Contra Costa County Superior Court, we finally found the correct building and floor. There were four other families there, they called us in one-by-one. We were second. Once inside, we sat "informally" at a table (not in front of the bench) with the Judge, a court reporter, and two other court aids. The judge gave Zoe a cute stuffed white bear, which she loved. The bailiff stood behind us, the only guy in the room. Vera was asked to swear that she will take care of Zoe as her own, for good bad, good and poor health (it was similar to the traditional wedding vow and even the judge got a bit choked up). Vera said "I do". Then they asked me if I agreed to the shared parental agreement. I responded, "Absolutely". We signed some papers. Then took this picture, in it with us are a plush white bear, Judge Brady and our attorney, Deborah Wald.

So, you may be asking, why did Vera have to adopt Zoe? Here's the rub...

In California, if you are registered with the state as same-sex Domestic Partners, and bring a child into the relationship, both partners are recognized as legal parents. So if we never leave California, there would be no reason to go through this process; it's legally redundant. However, if we should travel to another state, Vera would have absolutely no legal parental rights over Zoe. (We can thank the Republican Defense of Marriage Act for that). The same goes for traveling outside of the US.

However, there is something in Federal Law (possibly in the US Constitution, I'm a bit fuzzy on this stuff) called the Full Faith and Credit Clause for Court Orders, whereby court orders made in one state must be enforced in all other states. An adoption is a court order. So our status as domestic partners should never come into play, as Vera was made a legal parent with out any connection to our relationship. Both Vera and I must be recognized as a full legal parents for Zoe. The scary thing is that some states (hospitals in other states) have started to challenge the parental rights of adoptive parents in same-sex relationships. Check out this horrifying story.

So to sum it up, we paid several thousand dollars for a court order that:
1. Is legally redundant under current California law
2. Should be legally recognized by any and all other US states and around the world, but some states are deciding not to abide by federal law.

Does it make me feel any better now that the adoption was finalized today? Frankly, I don't feel any different about our family than I did when I woke up this morning. To me we're both Zoe's parents no matter what the law says, but I am very aware our rights could be taken away on the whim of some conservative bigot.

Nu Shus

We got Zoe her first pair of new shoes today. They are totally cute!

As we rode down the escalator to Stride Rite in Sun Valley Mall, Vera holding Zoe and me pushing the stroller, I recalled shoe shopping with my Mom as a kid. We can joke about it now, but at the time... let's just say that my mother's and my taste in shoes were very different and neither of us enjoyed the experience. So, I made a mental note to really try to pay attention to Zoe's non-verbal clues and to help her actively participate in the process of choosing her first pair of shoes.

Vera and I picked out three pairs, then whittled it down to two. One was a variation on the classic white leather above the ankle lace up shoe that people used to bronze (Do people still bronze baby shoes????). The other was a below the ankle shoe with a Velcro strap, brown with pink trim.

Vera really liked the idea of the "classic first shoe". So we asked the sales woman put on the white shoe first. Zoe started screaming before we put her on the ground. She was shaking her feet frantically trying to shake the foreign things on them off. First we tried to get her to stand, she simply did not want to stand in them. Vera then put her down on the floor and she would not crawl, she just sat there and cried. The sales woman said that babies often have this reaction with their first shoes and that it can take a few days to get used to them.

I suggested we try the brown ones, as they did not come up around the ankles making them less restricting. And, voila, Zoe was obviously much more comfortable in these... She stood holding the bench and cruised a bit, and then got down on all fours and started crawling. We had a winner! It took less than 20 minutes.

So for our first shoe shopping adventure, we all left happy with the purchase (I ignored the fact that my wallet felt lighter). I hope future shoe shopping is that easy!

First Step!!!!

Zoe took her first step today. I was at work so here's Vera's account of the event (paraphrased from her telephone account to me):

Zoe was crawling away across the living room floor. I started after her saying, "I'm coming to get you!" She was giggling. She made her way over to the pack 'n' play and pulled herself up to a stand. She turned toward me, let go of the pack 'n' play, and reached her hands out to me. Then she took a step and leaned toward me, hands in the air knowing I would catch her. As I caught her, we both laughed. It was so exciting!

The fact that she took her first step on her one year anniversary of coming home from the NICU makes the achievement of this milestone all the sweeter.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

This past week Zoe seems to be going through some subtle but incredibly noticeable cognitive changes. She's talking more and more. Using more signs. Climbing on her bike. Trying to put our shoes on her feet. She's even "feeding herself" with a spoon.

Here is an example: Vera had placed a Paul Simon CD case on the kitchen table. In the photo, on the CD cover, Mr. Simon is wearing a hat. While Vera was holding her, Zoe starting patting her hand on her head. We couldn't figure out what she was doing. Until Vera looked down, following Zoe's gaze, and saw the CD case, "That's right he's wearing a hat!" Very subtle, but quite astute! That's our smart girl! ;)

Talking and Signing Like Crazy!

It's amazing! Zoe has all of the sudden started talking up a storm and using signs in the appropriate places.

She's got lots of words and signs and she seems to show that she's learning new ones every few days. She's also physically starting to try out more things. She attempts to climb up onto the "orange" chair all by her self, and can just about do it!

Words that Zoe says:
Mama
Bye-bye = the obvious, but we also think that she thinks it means car.
Boon = balloon
poon = spoon
Baw = Ball
Baby
Pa-Pe = puppy
Mee-mee = Mickey mouse doll
Ga = possibly means car, we're not sure
Baba = bottle
Uhoooh = Uh oh
Maamay = Mommy

Signs that she does (the ones that we can decipher):
Baby
Ball
Book
Dog
Eat
Brush teeth
mom
shoes
owie
please
bath
hat