No we can't.... not any more

An Open Letter to Barack Obama (I sent this to the Obama campaign today. I doubt that I'll get a response...):

History was made yesterday... for the first time in American history, the people in one state voted to take away existing rights for a single group of people by writing discrimination into their state constitution. California's Proposition 8 passed, effectively taking away the right of two people of the same gender to get married.

Just moments before you walked out on the stage to make your acceptance speech in Chicago, I was checking my home voice mail. The one message I had received was your voice on a Yes for Prop 8 robo call, saying: "I believe that marriage is a union between a man and a woman". That was, literally, moments before you spoke to the American people and said, "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer..." I can't express to you the complexity of emotions I felt at that moment.

Yes, it is true, the power of democracy spoke... it spoke to take away my fundamental rights... I can no longer marry the woman I love, who I have been with for 14 years. No, I can't.

How do I tell our two year old daughter about this day? Do I tell her that it was a joyous day in American history? No, I can't.

I know the economy is the most important issue this country faces right now. My worry with your future presidency is that people like me will stay second class citizens during your tenure, because there are "more important" things to deal with. I was a very early supporter of your campaign. I supported you because I believed you when you said that the country needs change and that the LGBT community is part of your vision of change. I have a good job, I have good health insurance, I can pay my mortgage (even if my mortgage is close to being more than my house is worth). But today, I am still a second class citizen, simply because of who I love. In my heart, I am convinced that your words, "I believe that marriage is a union between a man and a woman." have participated in allowing people to think it's OK to discriminate against folks in same gender relationships.

Today you celebrate your historic campaign, one that gives the hope to young American kids that they can do anything. That is an amazing message, one that should not be minimized or ignored. But I just cannot get beyond the message that my daughter hears every day, one that has now been enshrined into law, that her two moms' relationship is not a true marriage, not a real union. And that the president who ran for office on a platform of change and the dream of all things are possible in America, supports that message. I cannot tell her that separate is equal. No, I can't.

You made some promises to our community, if elected. You said you would: Get rid of Don't ask/Don't tell, Get rid of DOMA, create equality for LGBT people all across this country. I hope you keep those promises. I will be watching you, my daughter will be watching you. I hope you understand that it won't be until people in public office on a national level do the right thing, like Abraham Lincoln did, and take a stand against discrimination that this kind of discrimination will not go away. Until politicians believe and understand that civil unions are not the same as marriages and that the 1100+ federal rights that married couples are granted must be granted to any couple that wants to marry, regardless of gender, this kind divisiveness will remain the standard. We cannot continue to allow states to write discrimination into their Constitutions, the document who's sole purpose is to establish rights not take them away. No, we can't.

Third time's a charm

We eloped in Lake Tahoe this weekend. This time it's legal! After two previous ceremonies (the big "traditional" one in June 2000 and the "activist" one in San Francisco in February 2004), we thought we'd do something small and intimate, just for us.

The ceremony took place on Saturday at Skylandia Park just east of Tahoe City. It was a lovely private ceremony. Our friend Dannielle, who lives in King's Beach, joined us to witness the ceremony (and also jumped in to play photographer and baby sitter too). The weather was gorgeous!

We started off the ceremony standing on an over look of Lake Tahoe. It was beautiful. Zoe, surprisingly, agreed to sit in her stroller. All was going smoothly until half way through our vows, Zoe started calling, "Help, help, out, out!" She was wrestling with the stroller shade that had fallen down over her so that she could not see. All we could see was her little legs kicking and flailing. After several unsuccessful attempts continue the ceremony with Vera and I trying to hold Zoe while she squirmed to get down, we decided to move and finish the rest of the ceremony in an area that was fenced off so that she could run around freely. Ceremonious interruptus... Yup, basically it reflected our family life these days. C'est la vie...

After the ceremony, we took a walk down to the lake and Ann Poole, the officiant took some photos. Below are some photos that we took over the course of the weekend and Danninelle took during the ceremony. Thank you Dannielle for taking some great photos!

Birthday at Nana's

Vera's mom threw Zoe a wonderful Birthday party for Zoe's 2nd birthday. Family friends Teri and Ron were there, Vera's brother, Micha, plus Nana (Vera's mom, Lidia) and cousin Stephanie (we call her "Tia", aunt Stephanie) too. They all made the celebration very special. And little Miss Z got some great gifts, two baby dolls, a baby doll stroller, Mr. Potato Head, and a fun "water table".

Before we headed to Nana's we made a stop at Toy's R Us. Zoe had fun playing on the Jeeps while we were there.

I got more video than photos at the celebration. So, I'll upload photos for now and will have to back post with videos some other time. Here's a slide show of our day:

Naked Finger Painting

Enzo and Mackey and their moms came over yesterday for "Naked Finger Painting". Unfortunately Evan and his moms were all under the weather and were not able to join us. We had lots of fun (but it was not the same with out Evan). We ate and played. The kids painted on the paper, them selves and each other. They played with cars, balls, balloons and then all had some fun jumping on Zoe's bed and in our bed. We love spending time with these families!!!

Happy 4th of July

Friday was the 4th of July! Zoe enjoyed waving the Pride flag while playing on the American flag.

Zoe and I went over the Bob and Jackie's while Vera worked. We then met Vera in Emeryville her for dinner! We decided to skip the fireworks this year.

Whew June was crazy

Wow it's been a very busy month! Vera spend two weeks traveling from Hong Kong to Macau back to Hong Kong on to Kula Lampur and back to Hong Kong again and finally home. Here is a link to her trip photos on Flikr. While she was away, my folks flew in to help out with Zoe. It was a HUGE help to have them here. Zoe had a great time with Grammy and Papa! They did lots of fun things, including a trip to Habitot Children's Museum.

Vera turned thirty something a few days after she returned from her trip. We celebrated by spending the morning walking around College Street in Rockridge. In the evening we celebrated with some dear friends, Barb and Kathy, who we had not seen in several months. Here's a photo with the cake that had all thirty something candles. Vera could not blow them out - luckily Kathy is a clarinet player and had the lungs to get them out before the house caught fire.

Speaking of fire, the California wild fires have been horrible. The sun has been blocked by smoke and "particulate matter" making it a pukey orange-pink color. Today was the first day that the sun light looked somewhat normal, and we could actually see Mt Diablo in the distance.

We went to see Sesame Street Live with Zoe's friend Mackey. They both loved it. The cool thing was it kept their attention longer than any of us expected. Zoe talked about it all the way home in the car. She even talked about it for the next couple of days. "Big Bird dancing" or "Elmo singing". It's amazing, she really does appear to be remembering things and is able to talk about them later. (Her verbal skills have started to flower. Also on the drive home, Zoe said from the back seat, "Tummy hurts". She threw up shortly after we got home. That was the first time she was able to communicate with us that something was wrong. And both she and Vera then had a bout of the intestinal flu.) Here's a short slide show from the show:



This past weekend was San Francisco Pride. We did the Pride 5K run on Saturday. OK, well Vera did the run while Zoe and I did the walk. It was great fun! Zoe loved the balloons and the butterfly banners that are hanging on the posts through Golden Gate Park. "Futterfly, Mommy!"

On Sunday we marched in the Pride Parade. We joined the Our Family and COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) parade contingent. This was the first year that Zoe marched. Last year we didn't get there on time. Zoe had a great time! She sat on one of our shoulders most of the time and waved to the crowd. She even let strangers come up and put Marti Graw beads on her. After the parade, we happened to walk by SF Mayor Gavin Newsom and took a quick photo.



I sold my Jeep today. I was sad yesterday after the guy (a fella named Chris from Sausalito) came by and we made the deal. He came back today and picked it up, paid in cash. I've had that Jeep for 10 years. So many memories. But I'm happy that it's going to be used for what it's meant for, hanging out in Tahoe, instead of sitting in my garage.



As for Zoe... She's putting sentences together.... "I no like it". She said this when we gave her rice milk instead of regular milk. She understands the concept of two... I was playing with her the other day and she saw our two cordless phones sitting on the desk next to each other. With out counting she pointed to them and said, "Two Phones". This evening as Vera was getting ready to read her a bed time story. I leaned over the give her a kiss goodnight and she said "Two Mommies". Then she took my face and gently pushed it over to Vera's face and said "Mommy, kiss mama." Enough said on that one.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Today is "Blogging for LGBT Families Day". It's a day where people from all over use their blog to celebrate their Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgendered family. So, I attempt to join in the fray with this little contribution...

For folks who are stumbling across this blog for the first time, welcome to the House of Chreblett! We are a house of 3 gals: A lesbian couple, Lori (that's me) and Vera, and our daughter, Zoe. We live in the San Francisco area. I use this blog as a way to to keep friends and family in touch with what we're up to. I try to post things once a month or more. So, please read through and enjoy -- post a comment if you like!

Zoe is a little over a month away from her 2nd birthday. As so many people have said, time flies, they grow up very fast. And other times, it goes by sooooo slowly. (Like last week while Zoe and Vera were both sick with a nasty cold... I was up with Zoe all night while she coughed, running the shower every 90 minutes to help her cough loosen so that she could sleep.)

She's definitely growing and I just can't seem to keep this blog up to date with all the things she does. In the last week she has finally started saying her name. She'll cover her face and say "Zoe?" - this is her way of getting you to play "Where's Zoe?" like peek-a-boo. The word explosion continues - including putting multiple words together. "Mommy, 'mere" (that's Mommy come here) or "Toys, open please?" (Asking to open the tinker toys can).

The photo above is a recent shopping trip. Zoe got some new sandals and had to wear them immediately. This photo was so much like a "paparazzi" shot that I had to post it.

Because it's LGBT Family Blogging day, I feel that I need to write something to acknowledge this day. I knew that having a child would challenge me in ways I never expected. I have been out of the closet in just about all aspects of my life; at work, my doctors, dentist, etc... I didn't realize, however that I would have to come out in an even bigger way once I became a parent... At baby n' me classes (of any sort), the grocery store, the play ground, day care and anywhere where there are other parents and their kids. "I'm one of Zoe's mom's" always get's me a blank stare from the other parent, then their eyes focus with understanding, followed by a brief pause, then different reactions.... awkwardly finish the conversation and move on, or ask a ton of questions that they may not ask any other parent, or continue talking because it's a non-issue. But I ALWAYS anticipate a very negative reaction. I struggle with that every time I go into a situation where there are parents and their children that I don't know. Internally I ask myself, "How do I deal with this?" and "Why do I feel so awkward? " I think about Zoe and what my behavior models for her. In the end I try to work out what is comfortable for me in that moment and at the same time helps teach Zoe to be proud of her family. Sheesh, this parenting thing is hard!