Rolling Over

Zoe began rolling over by herself yesterday and we both missed it. I was in the kitchen and Vera was with Zoe in the office. Zoe was on the floor under the play arches on her back. Vera was sitting at the computer. Vera heard noises from Zoe like she was face down, turned around and sure enough, she was! She rolls from her back to her left side. It's cute. She lifts her legs into the air then they fall down over to her left and then she just flops over. It takes her a bit to get her left arm out from under neath her. So she lays face down making squishy breathing sounds and grunts until she her arms are positioned for her to lift her head. She then grunts to hold her head up. I got this clip today.

5 Months Old

Playing under the arch on her 5 month birthday.

Holding her head up

Zoe is holding her head up. She works so hard, she breaks a sweat!

Zoe's first Halloween

I took some pictures of Zoe dressed in her "Boo" outfit today. She's balanced on the couch between two pumpkins (a metal one and a real one). Since she can't hold herself up, I had to use props to hold her up and shoot fast as she slowly started leaning to one side or the other.

Hike on Mt Wanda

Daylight savings ends tonight. We took Zoe on her first hike on Mt Wanda today. Vera has started giving Zoe a bath around 8 PM and that seems to help rid Zoe of her 9 - 11 PM fussiness. Yesterday was 2 months adjusted for Zoe. She has really found her hands. She puts them in her mouth expecially when she's hungary or sleeping. She is also responding to faces more. Smiling and Laughing. Often if I raise my eyebrows and open my mouth she will see me and copy. It's really fun!! I'm not looking forward to going back to work

Esperpento and Pumpkin Patch

Zoe is starting to look me in the eye more an more. She looks and smiles at Vera more than she does me. Nurse Linda says that is because Vera has darker hair and eye brows so it's easier for Zoe to see.

We went into SF yesterday, we ate as Esperpento for tappas and Sweet Inspiration for dessert and walked around the Castro. I had an eye doctor appointment. It felt good to get out into the world as a family.

Today we went to Moore's Pumpkin Patch. We met up with Jan & Dorothea, Chloe, Joyce & Fiona, Theresa, Erika & Gavin and Irene, Bakoi & Olivia. It was cool to hang out with other lesbian moms and their kids.

Three Months Old

This snip I took of Zoe sleeping on October 12, 2006. The day after her three month birthday. Also gives some stats on her weight, height from yesterday's visit with the new nurse, Linda. She weighs 9 pounds 2 ounces. She gained 8 ounces in 9 days.

Two Months Old

This was taken on Zoe's two month birthday.

She's Finally Home!

Here's a video of the nurse removing the monitor leads from Zoe in preparation for her discharge.


Here's us arriving at home, finally with our bundle of joy!

Photos PLUS First Video Week 7, August 22 - 28

On August 27 she weighed 5 pounds 14 ounces. Length ?? inches. Head circumference ?? inches.

PhotosComing soon!

On August 27, we finally bit the bullet and bought a DVD recorder. This is the first footage of Zoe on video taken the same day. She is soooooo adorable!

Photos Week 6, August 15 - 21

On August 21 she weighed 5 pounds 3 ounces. Length ?? inches. Head circumference ?? inches.

Photos to come.

Photos Week 5, August 8 - 14

On August 14 she weighed 4 pounds 9.2 ounces.

Length 18.1 inches. Head circumference 13 inches. She's finally able to eat on her own. They removed the feeding tube on August 8.

08/08/06 Zoe says "I finally got rid of my feeding tube.
Check out the tape mark on my left cheek.

It feel so good to have nothing in my nose. "









Three generations!


08/14/06 Just laying around!

Photos Week 4, August 1 - 7

On August 7 she weighed 3 pounds 15 ounces and was moved to open air crib!

Length 16.9 inches. Head circumference 12.4 inches.

08/01/06 Grandpa holding his third grandchild.


08/05/06 Vera burping Zoe.








08/05/06. This is Us!


08/06/06 Tres Mujeres.








08/06/06 Mommy and Zoe.


08/06/06 Mama and Zoe.

08/07/06 Zoe’s Crib



08/07/06 The dreaded monitor with Zoe’s vitals. We watched this often. The green is heart rate, white is respiration, Yellow is Oxygen over Pulse.



08/06/06 BUUURRRPPP



08/07/06 Zoe just hanging around. The thing on her left foot is the Pulse/Oxygen monitor. The other leads go up her shirt and are attached to her chest.

Photos Week 3, July 25 - 31

Zoe weighed in at 3 pounds on July 27

07/24/06 Zoe, vogue. Strike a pose.


Don't pull out your feeding tube, feisty girl!








What a cutie. The white velcro tape was used to hold the sunglasses on when under the biliruben lights. They let it come off naturally instead of taking it off, less irritating, supposedly.


Precious face! The tube in her mouth is her feeding tube, yup pulls that out too. On 07/24/06 it was moved to her nose, and yup she pulls it out of there as well. She'll be very happy when she's 100% bottle/breast fed! Soon my little one, soon!


07/27/06 Grammy hopes Zoe’s hair stays red like hers.


07/29/06 Lori’s 40th Birthday.














07/29/06 Zoe’s first bottle and breast feeding day.


07/29/06 Singing happy birthday!

How Zoe got her name

In the days following her birth, the hospital was calling at home and my hospital room asking for a name for the baby. We had a few in mind from before I went in the hospital, but we thought we had several weeks to decide. We wanted a Russian name, to go with her Russian heritage. Sophia and Eva were the current contenders. However, I wanted to meet her before we named her. I had to get out of ICU in order to meet her. So, we kept stalling.

She was born on Tuesday. I got out of ICU on Saturday. I finally met her on Sunday. And spent some more time with her on Monday. Vera had brought the baby names book in the hospital so we could look things up. I had the idea that her name should some how describe the way she came into this world and thrived through difficult circumstances. So I suggested that we look for a name that meant life or strength and endurance. Vera liked the idea, so she went home a looked up names that meant life on the Internet and printed the list. Zoe was the absolute best one on the list. It means life in Greek and French, and also has a Russian derivative, Zoya. Perfect! Russians traditionally don't have middle names, plus we decided to hyphenate her last name. By Tuesday I had let the hospital know, that we finally had a name.

And that's how our baby girl got her name.

The Birth Story

What a long strange trip it's been! Zoe was born on July 11, 2006 at 4:05 PM PDT at Alta Bates Hospital by emergency c-section. She weighed 2 pounds 8 ounces. It was 2 weeks ago today. I'll do my best to fill in events of the day that led to her birth 7 weeks early...

Tuesday, July 11 Vera went back to work. She had been staying at the hospital with me every night since I was admitted. We thought that I was going to be there for another few weeks, so it seemed appropriate for her to return to work. My folks had decided to stay in town for the duration and were staying at our place and drove to hospital each day, so I would have someone there who could get in touch with Vera if things escalated. I can't remember if she stayed with me or at home Monday night or at some friends' house.

That morning, July 11, Allen the sonographer, didn't see any practice breathing. So it was the first time the baby got less than a score of 8, the score that day was 6. I was under the impression that was still a healthy score. That day on Tuesday, the baby's heart rate began dipping and my blood pressure began to rise. The Perinatoligist came it and said that they wanted to do an amnio to see how developed the baby's lungs were (this doctor reminded me of VP Chaney, which made it very hard to like him). I called Vera to tell her about the amnio. I also spoke to a colleague on the phone about some work related stuff and was still thinking that it was going to be several days before anything happened... Later I learned from my mom that she over heard Cheney's look alike yelling at the nurses at the nurses station something to the effect of: "This is ridiculous, you've got a 40 year old woman with gestational diabetes, her blood pressure is rising, the baby's heart rate is dropping, call her OB and get this moving already!" It sounds like he thought things were escalating and that no one was responding fast enough so his yelling kicked things into gear...

It happened very fast. The nurse came in and said we're seeing more dips in the baby's heart rate, we're calling the doctor. One of the Dr Du Jours had warned me over the weekend that I was most likely going to need a c-section and so I had already filled out the paper work for both a natural deliver and a c-section delivery.

They called the doctor on call and told her that the baby's heart rate was dropping. I called Vera and told her about the baby's heart rate, that they were going to induce labor and that she should come right away. My folks were already there.

As they wheeled me on my bed to a delivery room, the doctor arrived (the one that chuckled on 4th of July) She put her had on my shoulder and looked down at me and said, "You are going to have a baby". I'll never forget that moment. I looked up and behind me from the gurney to my mom and simply said "Mom?" and she replied, "They're going to take it", so she knew.

They wheeled me into a delivery room. Dr took my hand and said some comforting words. I asked it it was going to be an emergency c-section, she said "no, we're going to tap you". "Tap me, what does that mean?" "A spinal tap, you'll be awake." I asked her to wait for Vera. Dad was on the cell phone with Vera who was racing through the Cauldicott Tunnel.

I then met the Neonatalogist, a guy in a turban. I also met the anesthesiologist. A nurse, named Catherine came in shaved me to prep for the incision. I remember the OB pacing and hoping Vera would arrive soon.
By that time I was really scared. I kept crying on and off. There was so much activity. No one was talking to me. Vera arrived, got into scrubs. When Vera got there she gave me a big hug and told me everything would be OK. Vera arrived, got into scrubs. I remember she had a camera over her shoulder, in all that rush, she remember the camera. From the commotion, she made it there in record time. I told her if anything should happen she should go with the baby.

At one point I started crying. I think they were getting ready to move me to the operating room. I said "I'm scared." I closed my eyes. I felt my hand start to shake. I heard someone day, "Her hand is shaking!" That's the last thing I remember...

[These events are pieced together after the fact from others that were there to fill in my memory gap:
So my hand shaking was the start of a seizure. Both my mom and Vera saw me seize. It sounds like a very horrible thing to watch. They announced a code blue over the hospital PA and wheeled me to a surgery room. The first room they tried to use was dirty so I was quickly moved to the next surgery room. Vera was not allowed in the surgery room (just hospital staff only). I supposedly woke up on my own in the surgery room and had a conversation with the anesthesiologist before he knocked me out, cut me open and took the baby out. The baby was not breathing. The neonatalogist took the baby from there, wheeled her out on a bag breathing thingy. Vera wanted to see me, but the doctors would not let her. The OB kind of took her by the shoulders and said, "Look at me, you've got a baby now, she needs you, go with the baby. Lori will be OK, we have to get a chest x-ray to make sure she does not have fluid in her lungs. So while I was getting a chest x-ray, Vera, my folks and other family who had arrived went to the NICU.

The baby was on a respirator for the first 12 hours. Fortunately her lungs were fully developed and she was able to breath on her own after it was removed. ]

The next thing I remember is my mom and our doula standing over me, the doula saying "Hi Lori, it's Beth". I asked if it was an emergency c-section. The I passed out. Then the next thing I remember is Vera standing over me and she showed me a picture of the baby. I thought I was in a surgery recovery room but in reality I was in ICU and was on some heave anti-seizure medication, magnesium sulfate, unaware of this fact. I passed out again.

I woke up the next day to a strange man looking down at me. He said "Hi" and asked if I remembered him. "No."
"I didn't think so, do you remember talking to me last night?"
"No."
He told me that he was ICU Director. My jaw hurt and my tongue was swollen. It seems that I had bit my tongue during the seizure and they had to pry my jaw open to intubate me to help me breath. The next few day's are blurry. I remember a nice male nurse giving me Popsicle.

I had horrible dreams from the magnesium sulfate. I spent Wednesday in ICU. And was transferred to Post partum in late afternoon. On Thursday my blood pressure did not go down, I began getting she shakes and I was extremely irritable. Vera insisted I be transferred back to ICU, the doctor agreed. I was transferred back to ICU and was there 2 more nights. Then back to post partum on Saturday.

It was Sunday before I had the strength to sit up in a wheel chair to finally meet the baby.

The baby was under constant care in the NICU. For a few days she was on a nasal cannula then a breathing tube. She had a feeding tube either in her mouth or her nose. By the time I met her she was off the nasal cannula and breathing tube, breathing on her own completely. The nurses called her "Feisty, Love Chops, and other endearing terms".

Photos Week 2, July 18 - 24

Average weight: 2 pounds 13 ounces

We finally have a name: Zoe

Lori went home from hospital on Wednesday July 19

07/18/2006 She's little, but a firecracker!

07/18/2006 Looking up at Vera

07/21/2006 Zoe and Mama

07/21/2006 Zoe and Mommy

07/23/2006 The Family

Photos Week 1, July 11 - 17

Photos from week one. Baby's average weight, 2 pounds 7 ounces

<---07/13/2006 Vera is doing the Kangaroo hold with the baby

07/13/2006 The baby is a jaudiced. They put her under Bilirubin lights to help take that away --->

07/16/2006 Lori and baby's first meeting. Lori was not able to visit the baby until 5 days after her birth.

07/16/2006 Our first family picture!

Baby Arrival Day

Day 2 of 7 in Week 33 :

Baby Girl was born 7/11/2006 at 4:05 PM PDT
2 pounds 8 ounces
15 inches long
7 Weeks Early

Baby's Name: TBD

Birth story to be posted later

<---This is the first picture of our little
bundle of joy taken shortly after the birth.

She has her hands on the respirator. She was on that for only 12 hours. Her lungs were fully developed at birth. Using this was
simply a precaution. --->

<---This shows her home in the NICU
as Vera holds her for the first time.

Vera went with the baby from the operating room to the NICU after the Emergency C-Section. Lori was moved to ICU after waking up
from surgery. --->

Moved to Ante-Partum Unit

Day 1 of 7 in Week 33: I got moved today to Antepartum. It's the unit where pregnant women who are on long term hospital bed rest hang out. I have a room with windows, which is nice, but they seem to be doing construction in the room above me. So there's loud banging which added to my constant headache. Nice to have windows but sux to have loud noise. My diagnosis is official, and my heard is normal.

I had visitors today and last night. I know that I look pretty awful, I've started to swell and my face is red. I can tell by the looks on people's faces who come in that are visiting for the first time. It was nice to see folks but took lots of energy. I also decided that it would be good to hand write out a will, just in case. Not that I expect anything to happen, but it just makes me feel better since I don't have an official will. To make sure there's no question that Vera should get custody of our baby.

Time and events are starting to run together in my head. Over the weekend we had visits from a perinatologist and neonatologist. They each gave me a spiel on what their involvement is. They monitor the baby prior to birth and after birth, respectively. It seems there are many, many doctors that are monitoring things. What's weird is that I feel outside of the whole process. When, in fact, I should be the center of this process.
Sometime over the weekend, Vera and I got a tour of the NICU. It was so surreal. I got wheeled around in a wheel chair (I'm only allowed out of bed to go to bathroom, no shower). It made things a bit less scary now that we know what the NICU looks like - but still scary none the less. It brought reality that the baby will be coming early and will probably have some medical issues as a result. Is this really happening???

We saw a baby that was about the size of ours. Based on the ultra sound their best guess is that our little girl is around 3 to 3.5 pounds. When we asked if we could see a baby around the size of ours, they asked what weight, we said 3 pounds and the NICU nurse, said "That's a big baby!". I guess from NICU standards 3 pounds is big.

I know it's time to start thinking about a name, but I just want to meet her first. We have some names in mind but thought we'd have more time to decide. I figure that since she's going to be here sooner than we expected so why not wait and meet her. That way we can give her a name that suits her.

I'm more tired than I have been, it's amazing how you start to feel crappy once you are in a hospital. Today it took almost 30 minutes for the baby do practice breathing during the ultra sound but she still got a 8 out of 8 rating. So she's still doing well. Which is a relief. I seems like this waiting is going to go on for a while. So, Vera will go back to work tomorrow.

Staying put and the Baby Shower.

Day 6 of 7 in Week 32. Well, today was the baby shower at Vera's Mom's house. My Mom and Vera went, while my Dad stayed at the hospital with me. Vera and my Mom came to the hospital afterward with balloons and all of the presents and some samples of the food, carnitas, yum. Vera's Mom had quite a spread, I was sorry to miss it. They also brought the cake, which we gave the the nursing staff (I couldn't eat it due to gestational diabetes). We had called all of the guests ahead of time to let them know the situation, so many of our friends did not go. So it was mostly family. It was great to see all the gifts and the balloons.

My dad and I spent the day watching soccer finals, napping or discussing politics. In between doctor visits and tests. It was fun spending time with him.

I was informed on Friday that I will be in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy. So basically when I leave the hospital, I will no longer be pregnant. The doctors want to keep me pregnant as long as possible to allow the baby to grow. I got two steroid shots, in the butt, 24 hours apart to help the baby's lungs develop faster. They hope the bed rest will allow me to get to 34 weeks, two weeks from now.

Every morning, after breakfast, they wheel me down to get an ultrasound. The baby continues to do well. The test had 4 parts, baby movements, amniotic fluid levels, practice breathing, and some other test. Each test gets a score of either 0, 1 or 2 for a total of up to 8. There is also a dopler reading of flow through the umbilical chord. Amniotic fluid has been low normal. And she keeps getting a score of 8. So that's good.

I am not on any blood pressure medication or any other medication. They take my blood pressure often and it continues to stay up, but as long as I stay on my left side it's not extremely high. You'd think that being in a hospital would be boring, but they keep me busy. There's always a nurse coming in to check my blood pressure or a doctore coming in to talk to me. So I'm hardly ever alone for very long. It makes it hard to get any rest.

I see a different doctor each day, as my regular OB is on vacation in France. So I just get the doctor on call for the practice. Which is quite stressful. I call who ever comes in to see me, Doctor Du Jour. I never know who it will be from day to day. I still have yet to meet all the doctors in the practice. I think I have 2 or 3 more to meet. So, it's hard to trust that there is any one really watching over my case. I also never know how concerned they really are. On one hand they tell me that preeclampsia is a serious condition and on the other hand they make it sound like I'm doing fine and there's nothing to worry about. So I can't tell if they are telling me things to cover their own ass or not. Plus since it's a different person each day, there's no consistency, each of them has a different approach to communicating my situation. Bottom line, I guess I take it day by day.

My low heart rate in the 40s seems to perplex them. They've compared me to Lance Armstrong. I'm no Tour de France cyclist, but I do know that in second trimester of my pregnancy my resting heart rate was in the 60s. I had a heart ultrasound yesterday and all is normal with my ticker. I hope I get there for the baby's sake. I want my doctor to do the delivery. I want a normal delivery, not a c-section. I want to experience the birth process!

I miss seeing the sun. I only get to see outside through the hospital hallway windows from a gurney on my way to my daily ultrasound.

Just a regular visit to the OB, NOT!

Day 4 of 7 in Week 32: Today was supposed to be just a regular OB visit. My folks just flew in from Michigan last night as our baby shower is planned for this Saturday. The plan was for me to go to my OB visit then meet my folks back at the house. WRONG! Here's what happened in the day's leading up today along with today's events...

I had an appointment last week on June 30 (saw a nurse practicinor) and on the week before on June 22 and saw my OB. During the Jne 22 visit everything was doing great; my nausia was finally gone, the baby was growing well, heart beat was good, my urine sample was fine. Then a few days later, while at a care of new borns class (Saturday June 24) I had about of nausia come over me. Then after spending the next day at SF Pride Celebration, I went home and threw up. I called my OB office on Monday reporting that I still felt nausious and run down. My OB called back and said she thought it sounded like a virus. She suggested that if I still felt bad later in the week to come in. So Friday June 30, I went in. My urine, blood pressure were fine. But the nurse didn't seem to get that I was concerned that my nausia was back. She just said "everything looks fine, I don't know why you don't feel well." Plus she seemed to have trouble getting an accurate fundus measurement, as she measured three times. That should have been a clue.

On July 4th I still felt low energy. I had a bit of discharge that I was convinced was amniotic fluid. I called the doctor on call. When I told her of my concerns, she chuckled and said, "Is this your first baby?" as if my question was kind of silly. Well today, two days later, things are not so silly...

Today, my doctor was on vacation in France, so I saw the staff midwife. I went in, did the usual pee in a cup and was weighed. I had lost 5 pounds and had significant protein in my urine and the fundus had shrunk (something like 1 or 3 cm). The Doppler found the baby's heart beat and it was fine. My blood pressure was fine. After much struggle to get a catheter in, the midwife and medical assistant took a sterile urine sample. While waiting for the midwife to speak to the staff doctor on call over the phone I had a visual disturbance, saw many black spots. The doctor was informed about my condition situation and I was strongly urged to drive myself directly to the hospital for an ultrasound and stress test and to drop off the urine sample at their lab for immediate results. They told me that most likely I had a urinary tract infection but they wanted to do some tests to be sure.

I called Vera and asked her to meet my folks at our house, pick them up and then all drive together to Alta Bates. At this point, I was still thinking that everything was fine the tests would come out normal or show I had a bladder infection and that I'd be going home after the tests. I met Vera and my folks in front of the hospital.

At the Hospital: Went to admissions to check in for the tests, dropped off unine at the lab. Then headed to Ultra sound lab. The ultra sound showed that I had lost some amniotic fluid, but not a concerning amount. The baby was doing well, good blood flow through the umbilical cord, good strong heart beat, good body movement, and she showed practice breathing, which meant she was exercising her diaphragm. The woman who did the ultra sound said the baby was a bit small, about a week behind her gestational age, but otherwise all looked healthy. She also confirmed that it was a girl.

I then went to maternity ward triage area for the non-stress test... While there my blood pressure jumped up and stayed up for over 30 minutes... The triage nurse called the doctor on call and he admitted me for pregnancy induced hypertension.

So I was admitted to labor delivery. After meeting two of my OB's colleagues (one of whom was the chuckler that I spoke to on the phone on 4th of July), I was diagnosed with Preeclampsia a.k.a Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. I was to be on bed rest and they were going to monitor me in the hospital over the weekend.

At some point late this evening I had a EKG of my heart which showed that my resting heart rate was in the 40s. And got a steroid shot to help the baby's lungs develop faster.

The bed... uncomfortable. The room... no windows. Me... combination of denial and scared. The Baby... holding her own! Vera... same as me.